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      A few days ago, I got up, went to the kitchen, and began getting ready for my daughter’s tiffin. When I suddenly saw that my face was burning, I hurried to the bathroom and used cold water to wash it. I felt better for a while, but when I looked in the mirror, it seemed like my chin and cheeks had suddenly gotten hot, with dark patches showing up to let me know that I was neglecting something. What am I overlooking? Even though I know I was doing well for my family and myself, there was something wrong that was showing on my face.

     I became restless to find out the cause. I enjoy my job, sometimes going beyond, but I don’t worry about it. I also do yoga, zumba, and walks whenever I can. I also get enough sleep and make sure everything is going according to plan. Finally, I attained the fourth goal, which was a greater sense of fulfillment in life.

     I am 41, so far did everything that I wanted, I am not afraid of taking risks, not afraid of speaking my mind, not afraid of going beyond my limits, I have pushed myself to do the things which I never had thought I would do, and hence I am deeply grateful to my almighty, my upbringing, my late parents which are still within me, I am grateful to be with my family, I am grateful for all the connections I have made so far, and inspite of all this I was deeply missing something, and that something is bothering me a lot.

     Although I am aware that life cannot always be as perfect as we would like, there will inevitably be many ups and downs that will either make or break us. and I believe that right now I’m feeling a little broken.
While life looks perfect to the outside world, I find it to be completely chaotic, which I continue to ignore and which is now gradually turning into complaints. I’m grumbling about almost everything without realizing it! When everything is going well, why would anyone be complaining?

    I’ve finally come to the conclusion that I have compulsive disorder after countless efforts and ifs and buts. Oh my god!

    Since I would rather be disciplined than obsessed with anything, I must admit that I am smiling at this term. discipline to attain specific objectives and desires, reach specific levels, and arrive at a specific location as intended or as desired—if I couldn’t, I broke! I suppose this is a tale of all individuals who face their own challenges. Why do we become so fixated on ourselves, or even so harsh on ourselves, that we forget that we are people, not machines that will be programmed with intricate algorithms and large language models to accomplish all of its goals?

   When I was planning my masters for the United States I had never had thought that I would eventually reach Australia! And when I wanted to be in Australia for better opportunities, I am getting those opportunities here in my home country and working from home! Why is life so unpredictable?

     You see my parents used to say that we are what we do, that is our Karma decides everything. Good deeds eventually bring good; so always ensure that you are doing good. Then what happens to those people who are inevitable in our lives, doesn’t matter we want them or not! what is their impact in our lives? do they have any reverse impacts, as in repercussions?

     Certainly they have. So why anyone would do wrongdoing? What kind of happiness do they receive? I don’t know I absolutely have no idea. Probably it would take another masters in psychology to understand this, but for now I am glad that I could simplify for myself and for those who are struggling for the happiness, and peace. Answer is belief, our belief system should be strong enough that rather than following something blindly, analyse deeply. Understand the purpose, understanding why things are the way they’re. Trust in your good karma, believing that almighty is taking care of everyone and every single thing around you, we just have to ensure we’re not harming anyone rather be harmonious. Karma will do her job! Amen!

Cheers,

Gayatri Vedpathak